Adjusting.

Going from working full-time outside our home to being a stay-at-home mom full-time has not been an easy adjustment for me. While being a working mother was difficult, I had a routine and I had structure. Even though I really did not enjoy my job, it provided some sense of purpose. I do love that I feel less rushed and I get to enjoy more time with Jake. However, I have to consciously make that effort to enjoy the moments and the little things. Jake has always been a handful, and continues to challenge me. On more than one occasion I have wept about my abilities as a mother.

-no car, can't go anywhere
-humbling to rely on family for everything it seems
-feeling "stuck"
-struggle to find a routine and my groove as a homemaker
-feeling like I don't deserve any "me time" because I feel like I don't do much
-feeling alone and without many girlfriends

While these feelings are real and painful at times, I'm trying to work through them. I've started writing in my journal more, which is a cathartic release and helps me think better. I've also been reading for myself, including the book This is How We Grow by Dr. Christina Hibbert, a local psychologist who specializes in women's mental health and postpartum disorders. Although her story is about grief, I've found it applicable to my own situation. I hope to apply some of her lessons in the book and on her blog toward feeling better about myself and my situation in life now.