he's in my dreams.

Mothers will often talk about that inexplicable love they have for their children.
Children who come into this world, completely helpless, and having done nothing to ask for nor truly merit that love...And yet it's there. A parent loves their child without explanation, without true cause. I suppose that's the phenomenon of it. And it's something I'm slowly beginning to understand (even though I know I haven't fully experienced it yet.)

I have very strange and often vivid dreams. I rarely remember much of them; I typically remember how I felt more than anything. But sometimes, every so often, I will have a dream that is so blissfully real that I can almost taste it, and sometimes I wake up disappointed that it wasn't reality. And other times, I have dreams that are more like nightmares and I wake up grateful that they aren't real.

Last year, I dreamed about having a baby boy. That was in April, well before I got pregnant. I remember feeling an intense love for him, even though he wasn't really even thought of yet.

A couple months ago, I dreamed about my baby, and I dreamed that for some reason, my best friend took him from me (remember that dreams are often irrational and don't make sense). We had made some sort of agreement that she could keep him. But after he was born, and she took him away, I demanded him back. I was so angry that she would even dare try to keep him from me. "That's my baby!!!" I remember insisting with every ounce of indignation I could muster. "How can you keep my baby from me??" She caved, and I had my baby back, but I remember waking up feeling a bit of lingering anger.

Last night, I dreamed about my baby again. He was so precious, all round cheeks and smiles. My sister (who is 5 years younger than me and amazing with babies) was caring for him, and wanted to put him in a chair but he wouldn't have it. I told her to put him on his blanket on the floor so he could play, but she insisted that he sit in the chair. She said, "He's my baby!" Again, I felt that indignation in my dream that she would dare to say something like that. "No, he's my baby!" I insisted. With that I took him in my arms, and put him on the blanket. I sat by him on the ground and let him chew on my finger. I woke up in a strangely good mood this morning (read: not a morning person), and thought about my baby as I got ready for work.

I'm the kind of person that doesn't put a lot of stock in dreams, but I do think that the ones we remember can sometimes teach us things.

These dreams? They've taught me a little bit about what a mother must feel for her child. That natural defensiveness that is innate within mothers is powerful. And I think that just maybe, they've allowed me to feel a little bit of that mother's love for her children.

I'm just a little afraid that I'm going to be pretty possessive of the little guy. Just a little.

Darn pregnancy dreams.




5 comments :

  1. I remember how Vivid my prego dreams were.. Some of them totally creeped me out!

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  2. So so sweet!! I totally agree with you on pregnancy dreams!! xo
    http://aaronkarina.blogspot.com

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  3. I enjoyed your post, thanks for sharing:)

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  4. That's crazy! But still sweet, I bet you going to be an amazing mum! Xx Elly

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  5. Such random funny dreams! I still keep having dreams that my girl is actually a boy! Baha! I guess we'll see soon! You are going to be such a wonderful mom! I think possessive will be okay! Haha.

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Thanks for reading! I love reading your thoughts, too :)