tonight.


I sit here in bed,
listening to the soft breath of my husband,
and marveling that he's mine.


hello world.

Today, I'd like to share a story. It's kind of long, just to warn you.
*** * ***
She was running late once again. Snoozed the alarm one too many times. But this morning was different. She really just did not want to go to class. She wanted sleep. She wanted to spend the day without worrying or stressing about what needed to get done. She needed to spend some quality time with her husband. A day to relax, a mental health day—that’s what she needed.
Leaving on her day-old mascara and eyeliner, she threw her hair in a bun, put on a bra and jeans, and rushed out the door in the T-shirt she'd worn to bed, running just a couple of minutes late. She really wouldn’t be too late. It was going to be one of "those" days, she told herself. (Not a very positive outlook, but that's life sometimes.) She quickly kissed her husband and said goodbye. She hopped on her bike and started on her way. The light at the intersection was red, so she stopped and waited. When the signal changed, she entered the intersection, noticing a car that would be turning left in her direction. He paused, so she continued on.
And then the unthinkable happened. And he started to go.
He hadn't seen her.
she yelled,
panicked,
tried to get out of the way,
couldn't react quickly enough,
he seemed to be coming so fast,
she was hit on her left side.

Her bike flew out away from her, and she flew into the air, landed on the car’s windshield, and rolled onto the asphalt as the driver came to a stop.
She sat there, stunned and sobbing. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" she repeated. Someone rushed over to help her and the driver of the car frantically called 911.
Then, the impossible happened. Shaken, and very upset, she got up and walked away.
She walked shakily to the side of the road. She was coherent. She never lost consciousness. She couldn’t believe what had happened. Neither could anyone else. The routine was followed: ambulance, precautionary neck brace, strapped to a gurney, emergency room, x-rays, all with her husband and in-laws by her side. They joked about how she just wanted to get out of class. About how she was just looking for more attention from her husband. X-rays returned without any issues, and she was released just a couple of hours after the whole incident.
The diagnosis: a bump to the forehead, large bruise to the knee, a few other minor bumps and scratches, and acute cervical strain.
And to think, those who had witnessed it thought she had been killed. Those that saw the state of the car afterward would have thought she was in much worse shape. Of course, she felt like she’d been hit by a car for the next couple of days, but she had walked away. She hadn’tbeen wearing a helmet. Everyone told her she was extremely lucky.
But she knew she had been blessed. Someone was watching over her.

On Thursday, November 4, 2010....I was hit by a car.



You probably guessed that the story was about me. Remember this post? It probably makes more sense now. I had such a wide range of thoughts and emotions that day. I remember laying in the ambulance, unable to move thanks to my restraints,
thinking about the test TJ was missing,
the classes we were both missing,
the money it would cost,
the trip to San Diego we were supposed to take the next day.
Mostly, I was anxious. And a mess.

I don't think I realized how lucky I was.

After we got home from the hospital,
and I'd slept for a couple of hours,
we turned on the TV
to one of the country music channels,
and saw this video:




I'll never forget the look in TJ's eyes
as he turned to look at me.
We embraced, and just held each other.

I was overwhelmed with the love I felt for him.
I remembered the feeling of peace I had when he and his father gave me a blessing.
I knew I was blessed. I knew that there was a reason I had not been more seriously injured.

I know that my Heavenly Father was watching over me that day.
Just as He does every day.
I know that I had my own personal angels protecting me.


I can't say that my life was dramatically changed from that day on.
Or my every day outlook.
I still make tons of mistakes and take too much for granted....
but I'd like to think I look for beauty a little more,
I give my sweetheart a bigger kiss on my way out the door.
I try say I love you a little more.
I try to call my mom more often.
I try to pray more,
to show more gratitude.

This life is truly beautiful and precious. And goodness knows, I'm nowhere near good enough to leave it yet.

wise words.


This is what I needed to hear today:

"My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us be mindful of the foundational precepts our Heavenly Father has given to His children that will establish the basis of a rich and fruitful mortal life with promises of eternal happiness. They will teach us to do 'all these things … in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that we should run faster than we have strength.' But it is expedient that we should be diligent, and thereby … win the prize." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf.

hopeful.


At the end of my first class of my final semester at NAU,
my professor asked us to do a task: summarize our thoughts and feelings at that moment in one word (or a short sentence).

Immediately the phrase came to mind, "tentatively hopeful."
Last semester was a hard one.
I did a pretty botched job of balancing my life,
and managing my time.
This resulted in a lot of stress, and unhappiness.

But, it's a new year. A new semester. A fresh start.
I've made some personal goals that are focused on improving myself,
and making me more happy to be me.

So, I changed the phrase to a word:
hopeful.

someday.

Someday, when I have a slightly larger home, I'll throw dinner parties.
The kind where you serve fancy dishes and use your best serving ware and dress up.
Just because.

Someday, I'll have barbecues and birthday parties.
The kind where you invite all your friends and wear jeans and use paper plates.
Because sometimes those are more fun.

Someday we'll have a dog.
With a backyard for it to play in.
Because we are dog people.

Someday, we'll take our kids to Disneyland.
And then spend hours at the beach, without a care.
Because we love those places.
And it will remind us
of when we first started out.

Someday, I'll have a room (or two) in my house
Dedicated to creating.
Art, crafting, painting, projects.

Someday, my house will be the house where all the neighborhood kids like to hang out.
The cool mom that always has fresh snacks and fun games.
Kids running around, laughing, playing.
It's always been my dream.

Someday, I'll have a piano
On which I will improve my skills
And beautiful music will be made and heard
By our family.

*** * ***

For now, we'll invite a couple friends over.
Because we only have four chairs at our table.
And a love seat for movies.
I'll make enchiladas, and we'll make memories.
I'll dream about my babies.
And want them so bad, it hurts.
We'll listen to music on our computers.
I'll create on our tiny kitchen table.
But we'll enjoy this time together.
Just the two of us.
In our tiny apartment.
One adventure at a time.

I love to dream,
but...
I love my life.